The Biology of Loss: What Happens when Attachments are Impaired and how to Restore a Healthy Balance in Adult-Child Relationships / Peer Orientation: Why Children are Stressed, Why Parents and Teachers are Disempowered and How to Restore a Healthy Balance in Adult-Child Relationships

May 1st, 2026 topic:

The Biology of Loss: What Happens when Attachments are Impaired and how to Restore a Healthy Balance in Adult-Child Relationships

This presentation, based on the best-selling Scattered Minds, Hold on To Your Kids, and In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, outlines the mental health implications of early childhood emotional loss, whether due to abuse in the family or simply of stress on the parents, on the subsequent
loss of attunement with the child.

Childhood developmental disorders such as ADHD, ODD, and other mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, personality disorders, etc. can all be traced to either negative childhood experiences or the absence of sufficiently positive ones. Addiction and adult mental
health issues also flow from the same source.

The impact of the environment on brain development is discussed, along with ways of recognizing and helping to heal the negative consequences of early loss. Also discussed is the impact of peer orientation, as articulated in Hold on To Your Kids.

May 2nd, 2026 topic:

Peer Orientation: Why Children are Stressed, Why Parents and Teachers are Disempowered and How to Restore a Healthy Balance in Adult-Child Relationships (Based on the book Hold on To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers)

Parenting and teaching are much harder these days than they used to be, and than they should be. In Hold On To Your Kids, Dr. Gabor Maté (with developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld) forward a provocative and important view of why this is, and what we can do to
counteract it.

The root of the problem is that children no longer look to adults for emotional support, the teaching of values, or the modeling of behavior. Peer orientation refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for their sense of right and wrong, codes
of conduct, and their very identity. Peer orientation undermines family cohesion, sabotages healthy development and fosters an aggressive and prematurely sexualized youth culture. For parents already challenged by the demands of our multitasking world and stretched by stark
economic realities, peer orientation further complicates the task of child rearing. Children were never meant by nature to be in a position where they are so dominant in influencing one another. This state of affairs may be the norm today, but it’s neither natural nor healthy. Historically it is a very new development, due to economic and social influences prevalent since World War II, resulting in a deep undermining of adult-child connections.

This talk aims at restoring parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the adult-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice articulated will empower parents, teachers and other adults who play a nurturing role to be for children what
nature intended: the true source of contact, security and warmth. Parents must regain their natural authority, without coercion, punishment and artificial consequences. Children need to be protected from becoming lost in the emotionally barren and culturally backward world of peer
orientation.