Hold On To Your KidsIn the book Hold On To Your Kids, International authority on child development Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., joins forces with bestselling author Gabor Maté, M.D., to tackle one of the most disturbing trends of our time:  children today increasingly look to their peers for direction—their values, identity, and codes of behavior.  This “peer orientation” undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture.  Children end up becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated; being “cool” matters more to them than anything else.

Hold On to Your Kids (available in both Canadian and U.S. editions, as well as an audiobook version UK Edition: Out Jan 2019) explains the causes of this crucial breakdown of parental influence—and demonstrates ways to “reattach” to sons and daughters, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, make kids feel safe and understood, and earn back your children’s loyalty and love.  By helping to reawaken parenting instincts innate to us all, this book will empower parents to be for their children what nature intended:  a true source of contact, security, and warmth.

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Read from Hold On to Your Kids

The following chapter is available to read online:

Listen to an excerpt from Hold On to Your Kids

Click here to listen to an except from the acclaimed audiobook version, narrated by Daniel Maté, published by Post Hypnotic Press.


"This important book boldly states the problem of ‘peer orientation’ and maps out plans for its solution.  Let us take its suggestions seriously now so that together we can improve our children’s futures."

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.

Associate clinical professor of Psychiatry, UCLA / 
Author, The Developing Mind and Parenting from the Inside Out

"One of the few books where common sense is the norm. Insight and advice into the traditional human behavior without the now prevalent terms that excuse and blame behavioral issues in our ever changing world. AAA++++"


"Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the “context” of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad."

Dr. Mary Pipher

Author, Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other

"As a foster parent and a teacher, the ideas in this book are a must read for parents of young children. As peers and media take over their lives, the message is essential for everyone hoping to raise adults who can think for themselves and appreciate the love of other adults in their lives."


"With original insights on parent-child attachments and how parents can restore them, this is a book for revitalizing families and rekindling the song in their children’s hearts."


Children’s troubadour / Founder, Child Honoring Society Institute

"I bought this book because one of its authors was Gabor Mate. Also, because my daughter was a challenge, especially as a teen, and I read every book I could to stay sane while helping her go through these turbulent years. This book explains why raising kids in the current North American society is such a challenge. I always felt this way, but did not know what to do about it. I had an experience in another country, as we immigrated to Canada when my daughter was only 8 years old. I just wish I read this book much, much earlier. This way, I would have had more strength as a parent, and more compassion to what my daughter is facing in her everyday life. I would be able to help her better without stressing myself out about things that are not true or don't matter. This book is not your easy to read popular set of parental anecdotes. It is deep. For a thinking person, a parent who wants to raise his or her kids and keep them close to his or her heart, I highly recommend this book. It will make your job easier."


"A brilliant book on the level of Paul Goodman’s Growing Up Absurd. Give a copy to every parent you know."

Robert Bly

Author, The Sibling Society and Iron John

"I thoroughly enjoyed your book on holding onto your kids. I have never read a more informative book on parenting ever. As a child who did not connect with my parents I was passing this legacy onto my children with little success of reaching my six year old daughter. She was well on her way to the eyeball rolling attitude you describe in your book. Lately I have implemented some of your techniques and have met with great results. I feel your book is ahead of its time and have recommended it for Dr. Laura's “reading corner” online. I really hope you'll write more books and enlighten parents in the future. Thank you!!!"


"A wonderful book and a powerful wakeup call to parents. The authors’ description of how peer orientation gets in the way of healthy emotional maturation is both striking and sobering. But the book is also upbeat, as it emphasizes the extreme importance of attachment in child raising and how it can get implemented day to day. I found the book both thoughtful and thought provoking. It is a wise and important book."

Anthony Wolf

Clinical psychologist / Author, Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?

"I am weeping with relief, feeling truly understood for the first time in 60 years. I feel like I think Helen Keller may have felt when she suddenly had language to articulate her inner life. I can feel a lifetime logjam of anger and frustration loosening and letting go. Thank you."


"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of sociey. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously."

Peter A. Levine Ph.D.

Author, Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever:  Guiding Your Child through Trauma

"Your book changed the life of one little girl. And two adults are better people because of it. Thank you so very very much."


"The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative—even inspirational—for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students."

Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals


"Your book has transformed my life and my parenting. The most incredible thing is that once I started following your suggestions, my daughter's behaviour changed almost immediately. I am so convinced of the soundness and naturalness of your ideas that I have sent information about the book to all of my friends and family members - not just parents, but also teachers and people who have children in their lives generally."


"Beautifully written…terrific, poignant."

Publishers’ Weekly (starred review)


"Yesterday, I purchased your book Hold On To Your Kids and have not been able to put it down. I am absolutely BLOWN AWAY with it. Not only is it thorough and comprehensive, it's easy to read (a real plus in my books.) As a counselor, parenting coach and mother of four, I was reading it from both a professional and personal perspective and found it hit home in many areas. It's one of the best books on parenthood that I have read in a long time."


"Highly recommended… [Neufeld and Maté] offer readers much more than simple platitudes in this excellent book"

Library Journal (starred review)

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